A Tight Situation!

    Sometimes funny memories are the most special way to remember a beloved spouse. It helps take away some of the feeling of loss. Before he passed away, my husband loved to share this story with our friends. Now, it makes me smile to share this story with you.
    Our neighbor's son was getting married in 1971 at an out-of-town Catholic church, and my husband and I were invited. We immediately rushed out to the local department store, and I bought a nice pink linen dress with a jacket and all those cute dyed-to-match accessories. The dress was a little tight, but I had a month before the June 30 wedding and I would lose a few pounds.
    June 29 came and, of course, I had not lost a single pound; in fact, I had gained two. But, I figured a nice new girdle would cure everything. So on our way out of the city, we stopped once again at the store. I ran in and told the clerk I needed a size large panty girdle.
    The clerk found the box with the described girdle, marked "LG," and asked if I would like to try it on. "Oh, no, a large will fit just right. I won't need to try it on."
    The next morning was one of those ninety-degree days, so I waited to get dressed until about forty-five minutes before time to go. I popped open the girdle box only to find a new, $49.95 satin-paneled girdle in a size small. Since it was too late to find another one and the dress wouldn't fit right without a girdle, a fight broke out in the hotel room between me and the girdle. Have you ever tried to shake twenty pounds of potatoes into a five-pound sack? Finally, my husband, laughing like crazy, got ahold of each side and shook me down into it. Once snug in my girdle, I put on all of the pink accessories, which did not go very well with my purple face, and I was ready to go.
    All the way to the church my husband kept asking, "Are you alright? You look funny!" Then he would laugh. Men just do not appreciate what women go through to look good!
    As we eased into the pew at the church, he asked if I could make it. Now, he was getting worried because I was breathing funny. I told him that I would be fine. Since we are Southern Baptist, and one of our wedding ceremonies takes thirty minutes or less, I assumed that this ceremony wouldn't last very long.
    Seated in the pew with us were two little old ladies, who politely introduced themselves. Then, one of them said, "Isn't it just lovely, they are having a high mass."
    "Oh, yes, lovely," I said, then turned to my husband and asked, "What is a high mass?" He shrugged his shoulders.
    Unfortunately, I learned that this particular mass would last one hour, twenty-two minutes and eight-and-one-half seconds ~~ the priest blessed everything except my girdle!
    Over on the left side of the church, the bride's mother was crying and over on our side, I was crying. One of the little old ladies elbowed the other and said, "Oh, look, she's so touched."
    They were right ~~ I have never been so touched in my life!! My ankles were swelling, my knees were blue and my thighs had lost all feeling. My husband was fanning me with my pink accessories, asking questions and trying to comfort me.
    As soon as the priest pronounced them married, and the wedding part made their way back up the aisle to exit the church, I bolted into position as the fifth "bridesmaid" with my husband right behind me, still asking me questions : "Are you ok?" "Can I help?" "Can you breathe?"
        "Please, just get me out of here!" I gasped.
    We hop-danced to our car across the parking lot, and once there he opened the front and back passenger doors against the next car. Right there, before God, mankind and the wedding party, I squeezed my bruised and battered body out of that girdle! Then, to my horror just as I lifted my foot to pull the elastic torture chamber off my body once and for all, the dumb girdle catapulted out of my hand and landed under the car next to ours. My husband was laughing so hard, he couldn't even bend over to try and retrieve it, and I was too miserable to care. So we just drove away.

    Over the years, he and I often wondered what the parishioners of that fancy uptown church thought the next morning when they found an overly stretched $49.95 satin-paneled, size small girdle in their parking lot.         

                                                                                  ~~ Barbara D. Starkey ~~

(Hahahahaha)

I'll See You In My Dreams

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life :  The word is "love". ~~ Sophocles ~~


Every night, by the time you climb into bed, the day has generally taken such a bite out of both of you that the chances of feeling loving and affectionate can be pretty remote. To combat this, my wife and I have a rule :
       No discussing "Things We Have To Do" or "Unpleasant Business" once we get into bed. Unless it's really important. Or you meant to say it before and didn't get a chance. Or you just feel like saying it for no real reason. ( We're nothing if not flexible.)
       Originally the plan was, no discussion of unplesantries ~while getting ready for bed~, but that's too hard. There's something about putting a toothbrush in your mouth that makes people want to talk.
        Consequently, even the most important exchanges take place between rinsing and spitting.
        "I saw that doctor today..." Spit.
        " Yeah?" Swish, swish, spit.
        " Yeah." Little spit. "He said it's nothing." Big spit.
        " Well, I say" ~~ little dribble ~~ "we get a second opinion."
Gargle, gargle, cchhwip, pttooey.
        ( Incidentally, Cchhwip Pttoey is not only the sound of someone spitting; but interestingly enough, the Minister of the Interior of Sri Lanka.)
         Every night, you brush and talk and spit and catch up, racing to beat that Conversation Curfew.
         See, you don't want to drag the world into bed with you, because there's enough going on there already. Beds are complex, multipurpose arenas, and it's important that the two parties specify which activity they're undertaking.
        "Are we talking, or are we reading?"
        " Are we sleeping, or are we fooling around?"
        You have to clarify.
        " Are we not talking because we're mad, or because we both just don't feel like talking?"
        " Are we thinking 'ambitious' fooling around, or 'let's just do what we've got to do, and not kill ourselves'?"
        The good thing is, when you're together forever, there's less pressure to make any given night magical. You always know you have another shot tomorrow. And the next night.
        That's the whole beauty of Forever ~~ nothing but tomorrows.
        Of course, if you cash in the Tomorrow Chip too often, you break the bank. One day you roll over, notice each other, and say, "Hey, we used to do something here involving rubbing and touching ~~ any idea what it was? No recollection at all? Hmm... I know I enjoyed it, I remember that."
        So you negotiate, you clarify, and settle in. You find your position, you fix your pillows, and arrange your mutual blanket.
        That blanket, essentially, IS your relationship : one big cover concealing the fact that two people are inside, squirmming around each other trying to get comfortable.
        How you handle that blanket is crucial.
        Sometimes I wake up and have NO blanket. There's nothing there to handle. The woman of my dreams, who is sleeping very cozily, has somehow accumulated the bulk of WHAT'S AT LEAST HALF MINE.
        I tug at it gingerly. She stirs, and seemingly unaware, she tightens her grasp and rolls farther away, taking with her another good foot and a half of blanket. I watch her and calculate my options. I decide it's not worth waking her up or being spiteful, so I try to make do without.
        I stare at the ceiling and count the little paint bumps, hoping I can bore myself back to sleep. Within seconds, my brain comes up with five different parts of the house that need painting and fixing, and then I think about how the guy at that hardware store who was so helpful doesn't work there anymore and how the new guy is really unctuous, and I should probably find someplace else. It's 2:35 in the morning, and I'm looking for new hardware stores.
       Now I'm more irritated and much more awake. I look over and see my bride dreaming blissfully, secure, cradled and warmed by what is now over 90 percent of the blanket. Despite my affection, I resent her deeply.
       I sit up. I look at her. I watch her sleep. I think to myself, "How can this be? After all the negotiating and maneuvering and tap dancing we've done, how is it that this person, who, by my own initiative, will be placing her head twelve inches away from MY head for the rest of my life, is getting such a better end of the bargain? It just doesn't seem right. Will we never get better at this? Must one of us always be less content than the other?"
       I pull up the pathetically small segment of blanket left available to me and scoot up next to the woman of my dreams, partly because I hope that her sleep will rub off on me, and partly because I figure she's got to be warmer than I am.
       And as I hold her close against me, it dawns on me : NOW I remember. THIS is why we go through all of THAT. Because holding The One Who Fits in your arms simply feels this good, and nothing else really does. And to earn THIS, you must swat away all that stands in its way.
       At this point, my wife senses I'm staring at her and opens one eye.
       "What," she says.
       I say, "What do you mean 'what'?"
       "What are you doing?"
       " Nothing."
       " What are you looking at me for?"
       " I wasn't looking....I was just thinking....are you really going to be right there every night?"
       " Yes."
       " Forever?"
       " Mmhmm."
       " You're saying, that of all the people in the world, the one whom you will donate your Naked Self, night after night, is ME?"
       " Uh-huh."
        If I let it go there, it would have been a nice moment.
       " And the reason would be what ~~ because I'm THAT appealing?"
       Now she opens both eyes, props herself up on her elbow, and before she can say anything, I say, "I went too far, I see that now. You just go back to sleep and I'll say nothing."
       She slides towards me, and we find homes for our arms and legs. Before long, we're sleeping.
       And in the morning, the dance continues.


~~ Paul Reiser~~

Fifty Ways To Love Your Partner

1. Love yourself first.
2. Start each day with a hug.
3. Serve breakfast in bed.
4. Say "I love you" every time you part ways.
5. Compliment freely and often.
6. Appreciate ~~ and celebrate ~~ your differences.
7. Live each day as if it's your last.
8. Write unexpected love letters.
9. Plant a seed together and nurture it to maturity.
10. Go on a date once a week.
11. Send flowers for no reason.
12. Accept and love each others' family and friends.
13. Make little signs that say "I love you" and post them all over the house.
14. Stop and smell the roses.
15. Kiss unexpectedly.
16. Seek out beautiful sunsets together.
17. Apologize sincerely.
18. Be forgiving.
19. Remember the day you fell in love ~~ and recreate it.
20. Hold hands.
21. Say "I love you" with your eyes.
22. Let her cry in your arms.
23. Tell him you understand.
24. Drink toasts of love and commitment.
25. Do something arousing.
26. Let her give you directions when you're lost.
27. Laugh at his jokes.
28. Appreciate her inner beauty.
29. Do the other person's chores for a day.
30. Encourage wonderful dreams.
31. Commit a public display of affection.
32. Give loving massages with no strings attached.
33. Start a love journal and record special moments.
34. Calm each others' fears.
35. Walk barefoot on the beach together.
36. Ask her to marry you again.
37. Say yes.
38. Respect each other.
39. Be your partner's biggest fan.
40. Give the love your partner wants to receive.
41. Give the love you want to receive.
42. Show interest in the other's work.
43. Work on a project together.
44. Build a fort with blankets.
45. Swing as high as you can on a swingset by moonlight.
46. Have a picnic indoors on a rainy day.
47. Never go to bed mad.
48. Put your partner first in your prayers.
49. Kiss each other goodnight.
50. Sleep like spoons.


~~~ Author Unknown ~~~

Where I'm At.....

 I can't say that I'm "gloriously happy" with my life or anything like that, but I am quite content. I'm not feeling stressed out every day wondering where the next meal will come from, or how I will afford cigarettes (which keep my stress level down a bit and keep me from going on a murderous rampage lol).

        I suppose I should back up just a tad. In November of last year, I was the happiest I have been in a long time. While I was giving up everything I'd known the prior three years; my job, my apartment, my few friends there in Belleville, IL...I was excited and embarking on a new chapter in my life. I was so sure of myself, and knew in my heart and soul that the decisions I was making were finally right for me for the first time in a lot of years. I walked away from all that to be with someone who made me wanna get up every morning. I didn't blink an eye when I gave it all up. I knew it was right. Fast forward to three months later, and I'm spending a lot of time by myself in a new town, crying, jobless, boyfriendless, and wondering what the hell is going to happen to me and my life. I was BEYOND miserable. My heart was broken, and breaking repeatedly on a daily basis. I lost almost 30 pounds in about 3 weeks. Then I was left to figure out where to go from there. I ended up shacking up with my son's father (my ex husband) for about a month and a half. Now, while I wasn't "miserable" being around my ex, I felt so out of place and the living situation was just so weird to me. Funny how you can be married to someone for 5 years, share a child with them, and then find it feeling so very foreign to be sharing a living space with them again. That's how it was for me though. I couldn't find a job there, and though staying in a place that was at least closer to two of the kids was what I wanted, I needed to be able to find work, and that meant finding somewhere else to go.


        I ended up going to South Carolina. Of course, I knew ahead of time that the person I'd be living with wanted to be in a relationship with me. I wasn't ready for that title again though. He knew it too, but assured me it wasn't something I'd have to worry about. I guess I should have been smarter about it. I should have known that living in the same space and being that intimately involved with someone would eventually lead to more pushing for what they wanted to begin with. I suppose I DID know that, but I just desperately wanted to be somewhere where I wasn't feeling stressed, or weird, or pressured. I thought that I'd have that kind of environment in S.C. in that situation. I was wrong. I couldn't find work, despite all the applications I'd filled out. While he was good to me, and there wasn't any fighting...there was always that need for that "coveted title" hanging over my head. Even when it wasn't being spoken about, it was there, like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. Eventually, that's what happened. The situation being what it was, wasn't enough. It never would have been...not for him. He needed more, and I just wasn't willing or able to give that "more". Looking back on it, I have found myself sometimes questioning if my inability to give that makes me a bad person. I'm sure some people might think it does. However, I have to be able to live with myself. I can't just give something to a person because it's what THEY need. I should put myself in that situation just to appease others? I can't do that, so in the end, I am left looking like the bad guy. I am eventually subjected to name calling and attempts to tarnish who I am as a person. It's okay though. I have been called a lot in my life, and I'm sure there will be more.

       I find myself in Ohio 4 months after leaving Illinois. I'm close to being back in the same area I started out at in March. I didn't see this one coming, but when I decided that leaving S.C. was a necessity, an option to come here was presented to me. I wasn't going to be thrust into the environment of a stranger. I'd known Jim about 3 years, (online that is) and he was far from a stranger to me. Even though the decision to leave South Carolina was MINE, I was hurt by the need to do so, and scared to death about having to start over somewhere new, AGAIN.  I WAS miserable on that bus ride to Ohio. It had nothing to do with anyone but me. I found myself watching all these towns go by...again...and it just made me sick when I thought about the fact that my move to Jacksonville, IL was SUPPOSED TO BE my very LAST one. I never intended to go anywhere else. I wanted to get my shit together...find work...try to go back to school, and figure out scheduling to be able to see my kids as much as possible. Yet, here I was, on my way back to the middle of the country to start all over again. Yay me.  =\

      Sooooooo, I make it to Ohio. I got here right towards the end of July. Haha...I really can't remember the exact date. I sat around in here for about a week. I pretty much stayed to myself in the room. LOL. I know some people would find it hard to imagine....ME, being holed up in a room, too shy to talk to anyone. I am that way though. It takes me a minute to warm up to people in person sometimes. I eventually started coming out into the kitchen to sit and talk with Jim's mother while he was at work. Turned out she was really easy to talk to, and thankfully didn't tell me to shut the fuck up because I talk to much!  =)
It really only took me about a week and a half to find a job once I started looking. That was awesome too, and a blessing. I've essentially been out of work since November of last year. It was getting really fucking old...depending on other people, and not being able to help out with anything financially. Some people got to hear about the drama I was dealing with trying to find work through a temp agency (those places should be outlawed because they are GAY...just sayin'). It was a total relief to know I'd have a regular job and wouldn't have to deal with any staffing company. Granted, I'm not making a lot of money working at this Family Dollar, but I will finally be able to pay my own cell phone bill again, and start paying back some people I owe for the help they've been giving me since I've been in this shitty unemployed period. Hell, if it wasn't for my friend Buzz in Illinois, I'd have had no phone. He's been paying it for months. Shit, he even covered the bill when the person I shared the contract with decided to switch companies, and left me stranded with about $200 worth of bill that belonged to them. I'll finally be able to start paying him back now. Thank Gawd! (I detest being broke and helpless. It made me feel like a complete fucking loser, and I'm NO loser dammit.)

       Jim has been a source of comfort to me since I've been here. He actually started being a source of comfort before I ever left S.C. to be honest. He just tried to tell me as much as possible that I'd get the situation figured out, would make the decision I felt was best for me, and not to worry about anything else.  Jim has been interested in me since 3 years ago when we first met. That made me so wary about this option to move to Ohio. I didn't want to be in the same position as I was in S.C..  Choosing to go to S.C. cost me some things that were very important to me. First, it cost me my "relationship" with Mark because he felt it was a mistake to go (and I might add he was right) and then it ended up costing me my friendship with Jason. I was close to Jason. He was one of my best friends. I trusted him, could talk to him, and was promised our friendship would always be safe. It wasn't. We don't talk anymore, and that's a painful thing to deal with in some ways. I guess mainly because it appears our friendship wasn't that strong after all. That's never a realization people enjoy. So there I sat, wondering if this move was gonna be another one of my "not so bright" ideas.  So far, so good. While I know exactly what end result is "desired" by Jim, he also doesn't push me at all. He HAS questioned me a couple times about it, but knows that I have my reasons for not wanting that title. I hate that once again, I'm in a situation where someone wants something from me that I honestly don't have to give when they want it. I just keep holding onto the fact that I've been completely honest about what's in my mind and in my heart. Do I love and care about Jim? Yup, sure do....always have really. If there hadn't been some lies told years ago, we might have actually ended up together awhile back. That didn't happen...but such is life. You can't turn back the clock and change the mistakes you make in life and have a "do over". If ya could, we'd all be changing a lot of shit I'm sure. I've long since learned to stop doing the "what ifs". You can't live life wondering what would have happened if you'd done things differently in the past. Living like that will cause you to miss things happening in the present.

         I'm trying really hard not to close my mind to the possibilities of good things happening in my life. People who actually know me, know that I try to stay as upbeat as possible (which is one hell of a feat all by itself considering some of the shit I've endured in life).  I have hope, and I have learned that hope is one hell of a seriously powerful force. It has kept me from shutting myself off from everyone and every thing. I could have done that long ago. As long as I have that hope and faith in me...even the slightest little sliver of it...I think I might be okay. If I didn't have that, I might be totally alone right now. Let's be honest...no one wants that. I don't anyway. I just hope that one of these days I'll figure out what I'm doing here...what I want out of life, and who is the perfect person to share this thing called life with me. I can dream, right?  <3