A Decision Made.....Finally

So, I did it. I finally decided to take that next step to go back to school. I wish it hadn't taken me THIS long to do so. However, I guess it's better late than NEVER. I hopped online today and filled out the application for financial aid. That is taken care of. I'll just be waiting on a letter from them to make sure I get approved and can get it. I also went online and started registering at Terra Community College here in Ohio near where I'm living. I honestly feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I have started so many things when it comes to school and never completely finished ANY of them. I originally started at Cape Fear Community College back home in Wilmington, NC right after I got my GED. I decided I wanted to go for Criminal Justice. I took some classes here and there....the basics that ya get started with...and then never finished. I decided to take an advanced, speedy course at UNC-Wilmington to become a paralegal. I completed the ENTIRE duration of the classes. I had ONE exam left to get done...all I had to do was get up with my instructor and get it taken. Did I? Of course not. I found something else at the time to substitute in importance. I attended Miller-Motte Technical College in Wilmington too. I was in the massage therapy program there. I completed the entire 9 months of classes and book stuff. All I had left to do to be a licensed therapist was complete 120 hours of hands on massage in the clinic. I did ONE massage...on my mother and then I decided that following behind my "baby daddy" was much more important than completing my course so I could be making some decent money to support myself with. Oh yes, I am a smart one. LOL. The real shame here is that I AM indeed extremely intelligent. I could run circles around some people with the brain I've got in this head. I don't know what was wrong with me all those years.

That all changes starting now. I'm a 35 year old, divorced mother of four, who hasn't been able to take care of herself, or do for her kids like she should have been doing the last 14 years of her life.  I'm the first to tell ya that I think my kids got the  short end of the stick when they were strapped with me for a mother. However, I also am the first to say that I want my kids to have SOMETHING to be proud of when it comes to me.  It may have taken me forever to get to this point, but I WILL start something, and finish it if it's the LAST thing I do....even if it fucking kills me.  I am going back for computers. I am good with them, on them all the time,so might as well learn how to make a career out of being on them. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate having a job...especially with the way the economy is these days, but I absolutely REFUSE to be that woman working in the freaking Family Dollar for the rest of her life. The living paycheck to paycheck while making next to nothing, has run it's course. There is NO appeal to living like that. If I'm going to have to live paycheck to paycheck, I plan to do it making A LOT more money than I'm making now. I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of at this point in my life and I can't stand it anymore. I've got absolutely NOTHING to call my own. At least with this decision made, and set in motion, I can get my dignity back.

Wish me luck.