30 Day Love / Truth Challenge DAY 8: Do you think you can be in love with 2 people at the same time?

So many people would say that being in love with two people at the same time isn't humanly possible. I truly believe it is. I only say this because I've experienced it. I didn't start out that way. I was originally just in love with the one man...a man I couldn't have, but that's neither here nor there. My love for him made it impossible to be with anyone else. I even tried dating other people because I knew I couldn't be with him. What a funky thing love is. It can make you feel so wonderful inside. It's an awesome feeling to be in love with someone, but so very painful when you can't even come close to being with your heart's desire. Unfortunately, knowing that you can't be with them, doesn't make the feeling go away...so it stays. It stays and grows, and is an active part of who you are.

Mark...probably the most intense, most strong, most powerful love of my life. He was also the love I couldn't have. He was the best friend, my confidant....the one I went to when life was getting me down or felt like it was falling apart. He was the one who came into my life at the time I was feeling my lowest. He was my "Sunshine". (I've written about him before). He was the only thing that could put a smile on my face for a very long time. To me, he was my "savior". (It's sad that no one I knew in person could reach me in that dark place I was in. Doesn't say much for my connections with people I know, does it?) He made me feel like there was something worth caring about. He brought color back into my life when I needed it the most. Impossible as it may have seemed to some, there was a super strong connection and bond between us. There isn't ANYTHING I wouldn't have done for him. The friendship between us was always more important to me than anything else. I have always known in my heart that I'd love him forever...no matter if the type of love changed. I documented that love in a permanent fashion. Like I said...when I love, I love hard.....

(My little penguin is kinda cute, isn't he? lol. The penguin thing was one of mine and Mark's private joke things. Thought it was only appropriate that it be my symbol of him.)


Then I met Josh....my whirlwind love....the one that snuck up on a girl. He was the unexpected love. I never would have expected to fall for him....but "whoops there it is". Haha. I guess you just never know when a person will come into your life, or the ways they will touch your being once they've crossed paths with you....

I think this particular man touched my mind first. I instantly knew he was smart. I don't know how I knew there was a lot more of a brilliant mind behind him, but I knew it like I know the sun rises every day. I knew it in my gut, and all I wanted was a chance to know more of what was inside him. He's not hard on the eyes by any means...a definite cutie. The brilliant mind, coupled with an awesome sense of humor, and I was pretty much a goner. I'm such a sucker. Wouldn't you say? I'm not impressed by things some other people are. I don't care about what a man drives or how much money is chillin' in his bank account. I have just always been the girl who was more impressed with who people were inside. Josh is a lot more like me then he could ever imagine. We're both souls that have been troubled for years from the events of our lives....both "damaged goods". He allowed me glimpses of the man underneath and that's probably what snared my heart. I wasn't allowed to see that guy a lot and that's a shame, but it didn't deter me from still loving him. I gave my heart and soul with him like I always do. Those of us that "go hard" no matter what can't just stop ourselves from loving that way. It is a blessing and a curse at the same time.

I allowed myself to distance from Mark when I met Josh. It was the first time in years that my heart allowed me to truly open for someone else. I went with it, and loosened the bond between myself and Mark so that I could truly give myself to Josh. I didn't want complete separation from the man who I had been so close to for four years, but I wanted to be happy. Mark was married and living his life, and I wanted the same thing. I believed in my heart that I deserved it and wanted that happiness more than anything. I stopped communication between us, seeing it as the best thing for myself and my new relationship.

When things fell apart with Josh, and I was falling apart inside....I turned to Mark. I suppose I know I shouldn't have because I'd left him in the dark and severed communication. I was astounded when he heeded my calls of desperation. I guess that bond was still powerful. I don't know how well I would have dealt with the loss of my relationship with Josh if it hadn't been for Mark's "presence" back in my life. Even while I was trying to hold on to the last pieces of hope for Josh and myself, Mark was there for me, though he did not agree with my choice to fight for the relationship. 

I loved them both....with everything I had, at the same time. Even with the time without Mark actively there, he was still in my heart. You can't just eradicate important people and feelings from your life. I've never been able to do that. I got different things I needed from both of them. No two people are the same and you just can't get everything you need in life from one person. I mean that in all kinds of relationships...not just the romantic ones. In this case...Josh was the one who was holding me in his arms..... but Mark always held my hand....even when he wasn't really there.....