--If he were only a little cuter, I could love him.
--If she'd just lose some weight, I might love her again.
--If you do this for me, then I'll do that for you.
--If he'd just get his act together, then I'd feel so much better about caring about him.
There should be no such things as conditions when it comes to love. You either love someone or you DON'T. Period. It's just that simple. Real, honest and true love is ALWAYS unconditional.
MY FOLKS :
--They treat me like ass. Do I dislike them for it? Of course! I detest the fact that they can't accept me for who I am, and the choices I make in life. Does all that mean that I don't love them? No, it doesn't. They're my parents and I'll always love them regardless of how they choose to react to me. I just choose not to put myself around it, but the love is still there for them, however buried it might be.
MY KIDS :
--They would get my unconditional love before anyone else in the world. Are they going to do wrong and screw up throughout their lives? I sure hope so because it's the only way they'll ever learn any lessons. Will I stop loving them because of it? NEVER! Will they become people whose lives aren't what I thought they'd be? It's possible. Will any of their lifestyles be something that I or others might not agree with? Yep. They will. My 14 year old daughter has already "come out". I'm sure there will be people that have MANY issues with that. Do I? Not at all. She's my baby. I will love her no matter what she ever tells me about herself in her life. Will they pop off attitudes at me for no reason? You betcha! That's what kids do. It will never make me love them any less. (It might make me wanna beat em all down to the white meat though. LOL!)
MY EX HUSBAND :
--The man could drive anyone crazy. He definitely did that to me for a lot of years. He drank too much, he cheated, and he was abusive at times. Did I hate those things about him? You're damn right I did. I still loved him though. I suppose part of me will always love him. I don't have to be in love to love him. He recently asked me to take the fall for him for some crazy shit that happened when I was still staying with him right before moving to S.C. with Jason. I remember feeling my mouth drop open that he would even ask me for such a favor. He is facing a lot of time in prison for what happened. It's HIS fault that he's facing time. He wanted me to accept responsibility for something he did, to lessen any trouble he might get into. I realize that he is looking at some serious time behind bars and I feel bad because he's my son's father. Do I feel bad enough to perjure myself and possibly get into trouble to help him? Nope, I don't. That doesn't mean I don't love him either. It just means I have a brain and I don't feel that jail and myself would be a good match!
TONY, MY 2 YOUNGEST GIRLS' DAD :
--Kinda like walking in a dream when I first met him. I was crazy about him, and didn't really know the man inside. Even when the signs of what he was capable of started to surface, I turned a blind eye, because I loved him. I even continued to turn the blind eye after he first beat me up. I convinced myself that I must have done something wrong to be getting treated like that. (Of course, at the time, I didn't realize I was doing what A LOT of abuse victims do, by making excuses for their abuser.) His drinking, cheating, and abuse far surpassed anything I'd experienced in my marriage. Looking back, my ex husband was a kitten compared to Tony. (He certainly lived up to his sign...Leo the Lion.) After seven years of that, I can still say, there's love there for him. It's not something I feel when I wake up every morning. I don't want to shout it from any roof tops, but it's there. He gave me 2 beautiful little girls. I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him, and even though he treated me like ass...my love for him was still very real. I'd still love him no matter what he did. I certainly don't have to like him as a person though. (Update on him : from what I hear though, he's alcohol free, pretty much stank attitude free, and doesn't put his hands on people anymore. Good for him because some of them NEVER change!)
JIM, MY 1ST LOVE :
--He treated me like I was somebody when I met him. He made me feel cared for, and special. He never tried to push me to do things I wouldn't want to do. The man waited almost a year, before I finally gave my virginity to him. He was my first at a lot of things. Even though he disappeared on me after getting what I gave to him, the feelings were still there. I was "in love" with him for a long, long time after that. I just was a kid, and hurt, and that let down spawned a downhill spiral in my life. I did a lot of things I never would have done if I hadn't been hurt the way I was. Once I got older, I realized, he was just a kid too...and a guy...and you combine those two things and you have a recipe for disaster. I blamed him then, but now I'm older and wiser. If he needed me for something now, I'd be there for him. I'd be a hard-hearted person if I was able to hold a grudge the last 18 years. LOL.
JOSH :
--After years of staying single because of fear of getting hurt again, fear of meeting another abusive personality, another loser...I meet him. He made me want something again. I wanted to be a part of a couple. I finally thought I deserved it again. I gave up everything I had to go be with him. (a job, my own place, all my friends) I moved to another town where I knew no one but him. I could have cared less. I was happy! I loved him and was so very excited about making an awesome life together with someone I adored. I wanted to learn things from that brilliant mind of his. He didn't give me the chance. I fought against his past every step of the way while I was with him. It was all too much for him to deal with, I suppose. He broke up with me. He didn't behave too nicely to me at the end before I moved. He was seeing someone else right under my nose, and actually having the woman come get him from a house we still lived in together. I had to deal with her calling and texting all day, everyday. It was rough. I'm a fighter though. I tried to hold it together. I tried to make him see the mistake he was making. I loved him, despite the way things were going. I'd have done anything to hold it together.
MY JASON :
--He's one of my best friends. I trust him. He treats me well. He loves me. We spend every waking hour together for the most part. No matter if we ever become a "couple", I'll always love him. I've adored him from the moment I met him over 2 years ago online. We've had a couple little fights, where he did some things I didn't agree with. They caused some friction between us. Was I beyond upset with him? Yes. Did I get over it? Yep, I did. Will anything he ever does make it so I don't love him at all anymore? No. That's because I truly love him. I'd whip ass for the man...possibly even maim someone. That's how ya feel when you love a person.
There's been a lot of people in my life, not just relating to relationships, that I have loved deeply. They may do things to piss me off and upset me. We may go long periods of time without talking because of this. It's NEVER going to change the fact that I love them. I accept all the people I love exactly the way they are. What you see is what you get and I've learned to accept people and not try to change them. It's unconditional. It always has been, and it always will be. I don't know how to be any other way when it comes to love.
1 comment:
You've got a lot of love...I pray God returns that to you 10 fold!
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